Negative states of mind, such as anger, resentment, fear, envy, and jealousy, are products of the ego." -- Ekehart Tolle
Beware of the Ego which has a tendency to think it is right about everything!
The other day, I have to admit, I threw a bit of a tantrum. It was about money. Pretty typical. It is usually about one of two things. Money or Technology. The latter is ironic as I work in the world of Information Technology or IT. Anyway a fail in any of those areas are two of my hot buttons. Or should I say my Ego's hot buttons. The funny thing is, I am having a hard time recollecting exactly what it was about. But it is usually about penalty fees, or account errors such as incorrect charges or over charging. Oh that's right, it was an "outrageous billing error" (my Ego's words) on our Water bill. Of course, it was just a technical screw up of the computer system. Let me explain...
Last year, we had a water leak in our house. Sounds serious? Not really. It turned out to be a leaky toilet cistern. The system that fills and stops filling the tank was worn out, and was constantly trickling water through. Unfortunately, it did this very quietly. So it was not a perceptible leak visually or audibly. However, that "not serious" leak almost tripled our water bill. The problem is that our local water provider only bills and reads meters every quarter (three month period). So we did not find out about the leak well into the second quarter, and then when we fixed the leak, it took another quarter to note that the water usage was reduced and get our bill adjusted back down. Anyway, patience prevailed, or should I say that Jennifer's plumbing skills and patience prevailed, and we eventually got the bill back to normal.
So fast forward to this Winter, which was quite the freeze this year (2016/2017) in Portland, Oregon. We had several snow storms that not only coated the city in inches of the white stuff, but the temperature stayed below freezing for over a week. This of course meant that the City field crews were unable to do their usual work, including the meter readers. Soooooo, the City used "estimated reads" for our Water bills this cycle. Annnnnnd, guess what? They use the recent past billing cycles to do the estimate. So what happens in our case? You guessed it. The calculation seriously over estimated the read as it referenced the usage that included the water leak. It was like a bad horror movie sequel, "Revenge of the Sewer Zombies," with the previous water billing problem rising from the dead. My Ego was not impressed, and poor Jennifer sitting across from my desk at home, got a earful of the tirade.
An Ego meltdown is an interesting thing to experience and observe. Generally it resembles a 2 year old tantrum in terms of the inconsolable upset over something relatively trivial, e.g., a dropped ice cream, the denied new toy or food item. However the adult tantrum is based on a history of negative experiences that your Ego draws upon to reinforce the unjust and unfair new circumstance you just experienced. It can be directed at no one in particular, or unfortunately for those close to and around you, it is often directed at others.
One of the real challenges in the modern world is being with what is. Or "Being in the Moment."I am reminded of a old story about a Persian King who became tired of being torn between happiness and despair. So he sent for a wise man living in his Kingdom, who was known for being enlightened. He requested that he bring him something that would bring him balance, peace, and serenity, and he would pay whatever price he asked. The sage said that he may be able to help, but the price would be more than his entire kingdom. But he would give it as a gift, if the king honored it. The man went away and after a time brought him back a simple ring on which was inscribed "This, too, will pass." The king demanded an explanation. The sage replied "Wear this ring and whatever happens, before you call it good or bad, read the inscription. That way you will always be at peace."
This reminds us of the impermanence of life, and that you can no more hang on to happiness as you can hold on to sadness. The Ego lives in the past, and projects this on to the future. Freedom comes from stepping outside that narrow corridor, and being with whatever happens. That does not mean accepting things unconditionally, and being a push over or an easy mark. But it does mean not letting the Ego throw a tantrum, and considering a measured response rather than a vindictive one. I have found this helpful whenever I start to get upset about something. It doesn't mean my Ego doesn't react anymore, but I am able not to feed into it further.
